I still hover over the send button

If we want to grow a business, we have to be able to promote ourselves. Simple in theory. Considerably less simple in practice.

The word ‘promote’ comes from the Latin promovere — to move forward. Which sounds positive and purposeful. But do a quick Google search for ‘self-promotion’ and the dictionary offers this example sentence:

“She’s guilty of criminally bad taste and shameless self-promotion.”

Charming.

Why the negativity? I suspect it’s the ‘self’ part that makes people uncomfortable. And I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t contributed to my own issues with it.

As a kid, if I was playing up, my Mum and Dad would tell me not to ‘show off.’ That phrase stuck. Because the worry about showing off — about being seen as arrogant, or boastful, or just a bit much — has followed me around ever since.

I can think of countless times I’ve felt uncomfortable posting something about myself on social media, or talking about what I do in a room full of people. Will they think I’m boasting? Will they judge me? Is this a British thing? Possibly partly. But I know plenty of Brits who have no trouble shouting about themselves, and plenty of people from other countries who feel exactly as awkward as I do.

The deeper issue, I think, comes from much earlier.

Picture the scene. Sunday evening. Late autumn — cold, dark, wet outside, which makes it all the cosier inside. My family around the kitchen table. Mum, Dad, my two sisters, me. The conversation flows, there’s laughter, the usual gentle mickey-taking that comes with people who know each other well.

And then it would shift. My elder sister Anthea would start on something — a news story, a topical issue — and my Dad would engage, and before long everyone was at it. Including me, in theory.

Except not really. Because while I knew exactly what I thought, I couldn’t say it. The words would come out wrong. My argument would fall apart. Even when someone asked me directly, I’d freeze. More often than not, I’d retreat into humour — chief piss-taker, using jokes to cover the discomfort.

I’ve seen this play out plenty of times since. With friends. With Hannah, my other half. With my old business partner. Even typing a message into a lighthearted WhatsApp group can be a challenge — I’ve written what I want to say, finger hovering over send, heart rate slightly elevated, wondering what people will think.

Wherever I have to put myself forward, I feel the pull to run away.

I’m an Unnatural Promoter.

And here’s the thing — that same instinct shows up in networking too, particularly when it comes to connecting with people more senior than yourself. The moment the stakes feel higher, the voice that says “who do you think you are?” gets louder. Learning to go anyway — even when you don’t feel ready, even when you’re not sure you’ll get the words right — is, I’d argue, the most important networking skill there is. Not a script. Not a technique. Just the decision to show up.