Give First, Connect Faster

The first time I went to the Professional Speaking Association conference, I was nervous as anything. I was new to the world of speaking and doing that classic thing of pretending to check my emails on my phone so it wouldn’t look too much like I didn’t know anyone.

That’s when Celia spotted me. She walked straight over, introduced herself and struck up a conversation.

At the time, I was running a franchise business. As it turned out, Celia had worked quite a bit in the franchise sector too, mostly as a presentation skills coach, but she’d also done consulting and training. We had a nice chat before being called into the next session. That was that. Or so I thought.

I made a mental note to follow up, but didn’t expect much. Then, during the lunch break, Celia came rushing back over to me, genuinely excited. She’d already messaged a contact of hers at an agency called Coconut Creatives, a company that supported franchisors to grow, and recommended me as a speaker for an upcoming event. The response? “Get him to call me!”

I called. I delivered the training. And over time, Celia and I became proper collaborators. We’ve referred work to each other, joined the same mastermind group, and stayed in touch for years. The last time I saw her was in Bucharest, where the group flew out to visit. She lives there now, working as a teacher. (Yes, we did take our traditional lift selfie. No idea why that became a thing, but Celia is the one on the right.)

But let’s pause and look at what really happened there.

Celia didn’t know me. I didn’t know her. We’d had one conversation. And yet she went out of her way to open a door for me.

Later, I realised what was going on: she understood the power of giving.

In her mind, I was someone she wanted to connect with. We had overlapping interests, similar networks, and a potential for future collaboration. And instead of waiting for that relationship to evolve naturally, she accelerated it.

How? By giving first.

She found a way to be genuinely helpful to me. She offered me something valuable, an opportunity to speak to exactly the kind of audience I worked with. And in doing so, she created the kind of goodwill and trust that no elevator pitch ever could.

That’s the power of giving in networking. It’s not manipulation. It’s momentum. You give something real, a referral, an intro, a bit of encouragement, and it lays the foundation for a relationship that’s built on more than just polite chat.

So if there’s someone in your network you’d like to build a relationship with, don’t sit back and wait for a natural moment. Don’t wait for them to need something.

Instead, ask yourself:
What could I give them today that might help them move forward?

Because the best way to build trust isn’t by asking. It’s by giving.